Children Of Aging Self Absorbed Parents (Narcissism) — Evening Tv
In this video I will be discussing ” Children of the Aging Self Absorbed: Dealing with Narcissistic Parents and Grandparents”, and we will go over the 4 main types the book describes.
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Please watch: “The Right Way to Argue With a Narcissist – Evening TV”
hi everybody welcome to evening TV I’m evening ransom and some time ago I talked to you about a book called children of the self absorbed and well it turns out that a sequel has been made called children have the aging self absorbed and so I wanted to talk to you a little bit about that so the children’s self absorbed in the cover it says a grown ups guide to getting over narcissistic parents and on children of the aging self absorbed it says a guide to coping with difficult narcissistic parents and grandparents I have always had this hope this belief that you know they would mellow they would mellow and part of this came from the fact that I had such a sweet grandparents and believe that you know that had to be around the pike eventually right no it didn’t then it never it never was going to manifest it was never going to have my parents were never going to morph into anything close to remotely like my grandparents and so things are not not predictable to me so like when I when I was going through my divorce the way that my parents behaved was not predictable to me because I thought you know even even if it wasn’t all about just this is my daughter and I’m loyal to her and I take her side and all those good reasons to do that I love her and you know I you know I’m her mom and dad her brother her friend you know all those good reasons but even even if not that my parents I would think have thought that they would have thought in terms of practical practical reasons like that they didn’t want their daughter to just get wiped out in devastated the divorce they want her to get a fair and equitable equitable divorce and they wanted her to stay in good they want to have maintained a good relationship with their one and only daughter because if I was and it had a good relation with them and I was spent financially stable I would be better equipped to take care of them as they come into old age this is this is my logic but my logical thinking so it made no sense to me at all when they were jumping on board with my ex husband and trying to just wipe me out and all that sucks right hey really take advantage of my divorce and steal from me and do all this kind of crazy stuff and after reading these books you know I could I’m starting to pick up on you know take out a take out of it all the all the things about love and loyalty and right and wrong which obviously that was a that was a broken down concept to begin with but that they were very much in a fight mode about obviously they had a paranoia about getting older and they didn’t apparently they didn’t they didn’t feel that other they had that they could count on me so they just saw it as a chance that they had to take advantage of me that they had to try and take advantage take advantage where they could because they couldn’t count on me to want to take care of them because because we project you know we project they didn’t to take care of me so they just assumed that it was a dog eat dog world that I felt the same way and I wouldn’t take care of them because they don’t want to care of me and they don’t want to take care of their parents and blah blah blah so you know they were busy they were busy just stealing even for me and even from their parents you know like my my parents stole my inheritance for my grandmother they were trying to take my home they were trying to do all kinds of crazy stuff in it and you know ended up not benefiting at all not you’re not really getting they ended up benefiting my ex husband out ton end up making you know making him tons of money and helping him out a great deal and and then he discarded them which you know there he just sees them as idiots because they played right into his hands and he doesn’t mean a need for them anymore so he completely used them and he told my son just recently that he has no no interest in having them in his life that he told my son if you want her to really sit with him go ahead but I don’t have any I don’t have any reason to have them in my life just all around all around bad bad planning even from a really manipulative narcissistic standpoint it just didn’t make any sense but this book it kind of explains why that might have been in it and it breaks down that there’s these different kinds of different kinds of aging self absorbed parents and and it’s really very counterintuitive to a normal thinking person and so for instance okay so they say basically there’s four types and there’s the the clingy type the suspicious defensive type the arrogant type and the belligerent type and I have figured out that I have between the suspicious defensive and the arrogant and this is this is defensive very much so so yeah basically if you can figure out what kind of what kind of parent you have then you can figure out how to deal with them which you basically expect and so you’re on how you want to how you want to proceed with having a relationship with them because you know your parents are having an impact on you and and and they’re having an impact on your children and on your whole family as a whole so you know may be really necessary to not be around them and so it it you know the UM but so so for trying to figure out what kind of parent you have I just give you a couple of quick rundown and see if this helps you out at all okay so there’s a clingy type so the clingy type seeks or seems to seek sympathy from you and others is demanding of your time and efforts on her on their behalf focus is on what she does not have is missing or is a want or always wanted wants constant attention points out how she is suffering seeks pity smothers you with the tension is intrusive and the like is the CH is in the child role with you and it with you in the adult role cries easily and often expects you and others to meet her needs as at the expense of your own and others needs and Karpis complains and whines okay that’s not my parents now now this one this sounds much more like my parents okay so but this one these are almost always makes comments that suggests that she’s suspicious of your motives and motives of others assumes that most negative perceptions the most negative perceptions of whatever you do or say seems to feel that you are deliberately neglecting her it’s overly sensitive to any hint of perceived criticism expects you and others to be perfect is rigid and unbending tends to be very concrete and detailed asks numerous questions if calculating and manipulative keeps others at a distance easily takes offense okay that’s that one now the arrogant displays a superior attitude boasts and brags about personal possessions accomplishments and the like takes unearned credit for other’s achievements fails to assume responsibility for mistakes exhibits an entitlement attitude oh my gosh it’s contemptuous of you and others is quick to point out others deficiencies and mistakes feels that you owe her assumes she is right and should always receive deference feels that she has the right to take advantage of others gives orders and expects prompt compliance and is sarcastic okay that sounds like both of my parents and my ex husband totally okay and then finally the belligerent the belligerent one seems angry all the time this is gonna be much more like my ex husband seems angry all the time its combative even about trivial matters criticizes and blames you and others for personal discomfort is quick to take advanced to perceived insult flights and the light carries grudges talks loudly and fast interrupts others talks over others promotes discord and conflict among others can be easily angered and teases and toss others until they become distressed that was my ex completely that was my ex okay so basically this book is just about how to deal with aging narcissists and how are you how to maneuver it within the boundaries of the of these relationships if you must continue carrying them on if you wish to continue to carry them on and and and basically it just it it isn’t it doesn’t give a a good prognosis for for these for there being any resolution to these these qualities it’s so sad and you know I it’s kind of a blessing in disguise that that this is a learning process and you learn over time because had I known it 15 years ago where this would end up or that they would just be there would be no progress but it would just be it would just that there would be just nothing learned or gained by any of these family members it would have been just so sad it would just been so sad and so maybe having that hope and made it so that I I stayed a little bit more optimistic and and always willing and open to it you know to them to them making changes and and I always believed that they would I always believed that they would I expected any minute I was going to get all four at least of all 15 years I expected any minute I was gonna get some kind of call or some kind of letter or something that said you know I don’t know what we’re doing here you know you’re are here my daughter you’re my sister you know I love you I don’t know I don’t know what you’re my oldest friend you me you know I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know what happened I know what I was thinking I you know we need to talk you know we need to talk thanks a lot you guys and I will talk with you later bye bye ..